• Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

• We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

• I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.

• I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

• She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

• My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "in the lake."

• She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

• She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

• Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

• I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.

• I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

• The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

Bob submits e-mails that he receives to share with our readers - if you wish to submit one to Bob, please email it to us with his name on the subject line. No copyrights, please.